Poor Robbie Keane. In a week alone he has been the victim of not one but two heinous acts of handball, firstly in his nation’s failure to qualify for South Africa 2010 and then during his club’s 9-1 thrashing of Wigan on Sunday. Oh, Robbie, how the football Gods have turned their backs on you. You could be sitting on a plane in six months time, off to the World Cup to pit your abilities against the very best in the world, but, more immediately, you could have been part of a team that scored 9 without reply. No justice, none, none at all. Disgusting.
At least that is how our national newspapers are portraying it all. Paul Scharner’s handball in the lead up to his (consequently) meaningless effort is by no means anywhere near on a par with what Henry did in Paris during the week. The media were delighted there was even the slightest of links between the two incidents, in this case Keane, an unused substitute for Tottenham after his national duties, because had the Irish captain not been ‘involved’ it could have been even more tedious, like Henry and Scharner both wearing the same brand of pants. CHEAT pants. Yeah. That’s what they’ll say. Cheat pants.
The demolition of Wigan masked what was essentially another nudge in the direction of introducing video replays. In theory, it is so undoubtedly necessary that it baffles even the brainiest people at NASA why football’s governing body hasn’t at least attempted to test it out. And they are really clever, them NASA lot. Like, Clarke Carlisle clever.
The debate subsequently dragged it’s beaten and worn carcass into the weekend, limping onto Football Focus and in to the mouths of John Motson and the new boy presenter that Martin Keown has his eye on to be his next victim. After the stupid opening exchanges in which Motson pretends to be listening and new boy pretends he knows what he’s doing, the topic rears it’s head.
Then something amazing happened- Motson actually made a remark that made perfect sense for the first time since around Summertime, 1993. He argued that there are too many decisions people will want to go to the video referee, not just handballs or penalty decisions. And he is right, the old sheep. Last season it was all about goals that never were, balls crossing lines and tight offside decisions. Now it’s handball, diving and offsides.
How many stoppages can we really have in a game? According to no reasearch, the average attention span of an adult football fan is exactly 0.2 seconds and if there’s the slightest delay in proceedings we will all get so confused when watching it on TV it would be like watching Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon on iPod shuffle. Games would go on for hours, which would only please ITV because it could possibly mean endless amounts of adverts. They have no aversion to putting them on in the middle of games anyway, apparently…
Lee Dixon gave his typically level headed view; ‘…heaven forbid really, but I just hope something major- huge- happens at the World Cup, that would make people sit up and go; ‘right. We need this in. Now...’ while new boy just sat looking interested while keeping one eye behind the sofa in case Keown was lying in wait.
How much good will it do? Not a lot, probably. Well in terms of Fair Play, then endless good will be done. Oh, the doing of good there shall be. Good doings aplenty. But how could we really live with ourselves going into work on a Monday and shouting at your opposing fan friend; ‘that was never a penalty!’ only for him or her to reply; ‘you’re right, it wasn’t, and the game continued fairly’. Urgh, it’s enough to make you vom. Urgh.
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