Flog - Coming Soon: Wayne Rooney (in 3D)

Anyone see the England game? I’d certainly hope not.
For one, the game itself seemed to be as entertaining as being read old scripts of Emmerdale by Bob Wilson.
Secondly, what moron would pay anything between £5 and £20 to watch a meaningless (to England, anyway) qualifier?
Well, as it turns out, nearly half a million of you. Half a million? It was a Saturday night! Go out! Socialise! Don’t sit in front a tiny, furious and pixelated Fabio Capello barking at match officials!
Due to the high numbers of consumers for the game, people have been singing the praises of this ‘exercise’ as it is now called, seeing as nobody is admitting a channel called Setanta ever existed, let alone had the rights to England away fixtures.
What really troubled me though was the number of people who chose to go to the cinema to watch it. A select number of Odeon screens were used- at £12 a head, let it be known- to show the game and although many were reported to be half empty, it was still regarded as being a precedent for future games like this.
Now if you are a football fan, you should be very scared by this. Very scared indeed.
Football has very much been wrestled out of the hands of the working classes. It’s a sport where money rules all. We all know this and it’s been relayed a thousand times. The ‘best view in the house’ is reserved those who can pay for it. The windows on the box are double glazed (for your comfort). This, dear reader, is exactly what a football match on a cinema screen will enhance. The whole idea of being one voice, of fans being altogether in support of their team, could be over. If you can pay to watch football in comfort, with an overpriced hot dog and all the customary trimmings of somebody who can afford it, then you do it. And nobody will skip on any chance to do the slightest little thing for you to make it a more ‘enjoyable’ experience.
Whether it be at the ground or at the pub, watching your team with your supporters invokes passion, and an atmosphere. How can you create an atmosphere with people grazing popcorn asking you to ‘shhh’? But it will draw the money in. And sadly, that’s the end credits.

In other news, it has emerged that Harry Redknapp has been assigned ex-SAS soldiers by way of protection on his return to Portsmouth for the first time. I really want one to be Ross Kemp. Really, really, really want. However, no matter how many of the Queen’s finest you put in their way, I can imagine it’s pretty difficult to hold back 18,000 people if they really wanted to have a go. Redknapp will probably take it all in his stride, give a wink to an old lady in a Pompey shirt and everyone will realise why they all loved him in the first place. Paul Hart, the Premiership’s resident deadbeat dad, has a lot to live up to in Harry, even if he has won a lot of affection for his efforts so far. I’d just like to mention the arrival of Spurs’ Jamie O’Hara on the south coast and how much more bite they now have in their depleted midfield. O’Hara has a fantastic air about him, and I think he has a great future, something I thought a friend of mine agreed with, only to be rebuffed quickly, with; ‘he has all the attributes to be a top class Premiership footballer. Except ability’.

Oh, Haha.

Fact of the Week: The first live coverage of a football match shown on television was in the year 1937. It was a practice match of Arsenal and was played at Highbury stadium. Fiction: There may or may not have been sound, as it was reported that some people had to turn up their television full blast to hear anything. For all Arsenal home games, that same tradition stands to this day.