Flog - Sun cream and Parker pens

Football has officially gone mental. A club breaks its own transfer fee record (which also happens to be the world record) for one of the most sought after players in the world, and then a few days later does exactly the same thing again for the number one most sought after player in the world. Their spending on two players in five days means Real Madrid have spent more than 95% of Premiership clubs have in the last five years.
Well how annoying. Everyone was awaiting another long summer of gossip, players being pictured on holiday with another team’s badge being drawn in sun cream on their bellies and endless battle between managers over who is the bigger pansy. Last summer, transfer news revolved two thirds around players who ended up staying right where they were (Barry and Ronaldo, Robinho being the final third) and it was much expected that this summer would involve the same names.
So how dare Villa, Man City, Man United and Real Madrid clear up within the first gusts of wind through the open transfer window?
Stances have completely changed from last year. Barry chose the potential (apparently another word for money?) of Man City instead of established Champions League clubs like Liverpool and Arsenal, and Real Madrid suddenly became so respectful to United that they resembled a 15 year old boy meeting his girlfriend’s parents for the first time. The bad boy was still in them, but they kept it inside, bursting to get out and call Fergusson a willy head.
‘We will get Ronaldo, no doubt, but we must make an offer that United accept, which they will, because it will be one they can’t refuse, unless they do, but they wont, and he will play for Real Madrid, most probably definitely.’
Where’s the bitching? Where’s the lack of respect and bullying? Yes, it gets boring when you read every single day that another slanging match is taking place- but come on, you enjoy it. Admit it. You look at it and drool. You sit on the train, commuting to work, covered in spittle as two managers fight over their greasy headed prize asset. Just me?
It seems as if nobody wants the hassle of the deadline day signing, when a player might have to travel as far as the length of Europe in order to have a medical and be forced to hold a shirt up with their name on, all before midnight. Which is annoying, because even though the transfer window has only been in force for a relatively short amount of time, it’s still managed to start it’s own tradition of frantic Sky Sports presenters and hilariously misguided rumours from ‘members of the public’ who ‘have just taken Michael Essien to Plymouth for a medical and he said he would sign for them for 49p and a Twix’. How can you deny these lunatics their last day of fun? Is there no fun left in this world of football? More to the point, is there any frigging money left in the world of football. It’s hard to see most of the £80 million fee Cristiano Ronaldo demanded (I refuse to say warranted) not going towards paying off some of the massive debt United find themselves in with the Glazier family at their helm.
I’m pleased to see Ronaldo go, because I truly believe he is the best in the world and the best in the world must test themselves in different environments. The Premiership has made him stronger in every single way, both literally and mentally. And, above all else, the slightly slower (but hotter) pace of Spanish football will knacker the hell out of him in time for the World Cup and England might stand a chance of beating Portugal. Hell, why not, on penalties too!
Whether Gareth Barry makes it there or not is a whole other story. But his signature wont be the last that Man City’s best Parker pen scrawls this summer, that’s for sure.