I’ve spent the last week or so doing the following: worrying I have swine flu, scavenging through my favourite newspaper, the Guardian- make no mistake, the greatest newspaper in the world- for any sort of football news that does not involve Manchester City or David Villa, suffering from hay fever and watching Wimbledon.
As it happens, these activities do not make for a life that slots neatly into the fun-filled category. It makes for absolute fear over a disease that has now officially been classed as a pandemic, dismay at how my favourite newspaper can so quickly forget football even existed and move onto other sports that dress nicer and don’t swear and even your mother likes, horror at the amount of tissues that can fill your bin and the guilty look you cannot escape because of it, and Wimbledon (see second point of this paragraph).
I don’t hate Wimbledon. It’s more the way people use it as a way of mocking football fans. These may sound like the words of a lunatic but if you have been anything like me these last few weeks since the Premiership finished you may have some idea of what I’m talking about. People who go to Wimbledon in their thousands are the sort of people that think football is on ALL the time, and like to reiterate this point to you every time they see the big green pitch fill their screen- or anyone else’s screen for that matter. It’s not that it’s always on. Not at all. It’s just whenever it is actually on, we watch it. No matter the game, no matter the importance (except the Confederations Cup. Sorry, but, just…no) we will have to tune in so we can have more memories to feast on while you eat your strawberries and cream while cooing over Sue Barker’s new haircut.
The irony is that for 2 weeks Wimbledon literally is on ALL the time. And these people know it. But they can always come back and say that Wimbledon is only for 2 weeks of the year, whereas football takes to our airwaves 9 months per annum. Correct- but it’s not every day. In fact, look at the maths. 2 weeks of solid tennis, minus the Sunday of the first week, is 13 days. If you stick with one court (red button, oooohh) you get to watch 3 matches a day, most of which will last over 90 minutes. I think you see where I am going with this, and apart from the fact that I can’t be bothered to, I don’t actually NEED to do the maths for you. Tennis is officially on more than football over the course of the year. Probably. Just because it’s only over 2 weeks doesn’t mean you can argue with maths, and that’s exactly what we are doing here. It’s maths that doesn’t actually need doing, the answer is so obvious.
But hasn’t Murray been ever so good?
Transfer news seems to be thin on the ground lately, with the major issues being played out early to leave us all wallowing in rumours and super gluing our ears to grapevines. It will be interesting to see what Manchester United do with £80m, seeing as you can buy four top class Premiership players with that sort of money and maybe push for a fifth. What needs addressing, though, is the fear some United supporters may have that they could see a repeat of the ‘new look’ team they had to contend with when Beckham left in 2003. Djemba-Djemba cannot happen again. And I mean to anyone. Aston Villa had to deal with him after United and I felt a hell of a lot of sympathy for them, too.
If United spend big, it could mean a major reshuffle of squads this summer. Players may go for hefty fees, and who knows, United may pick up five of the Premiership’s best outside the ‘big four’ and streak even further ahead of the pack. But if the money is thrown around it means everyone else has it to play with, too. Everyone is just hoping that Fergie’s eye for talent has relented somewhat, and that he doesn’t just nab your team’s best player, otherwise we could see football’s equivalent of Federer taking to the field for the next few seasons.
New balls please!
28 June 2009
12 June 2009
Flog - Sun cream and Parker pens
Football has officially gone mental. A club breaks its own transfer fee record (which also happens to be the world record) for one of the most sought after players in the world, and then a few days later does exactly the same thing again for the number one most sought after player in the world. Their spending on two players in five days means Real Madrid have spent more than 95% of Premiership clubs have in the last five years.
Well how annoying. Everyone was awaiting another long summer of gossip, players being pictured on holiday with another team’s badge being drawn in sun cream on their bellies and endless battle between managers over who is the bigger pansy. Last summer, transfer news revolved two thirds around players who ended up staying right where they were (Barry and Ronaldo, Robinho being the final third) and it was much expected that this summer would involve the same names.
So how dare Villa, Man City, Man United and Real Madrid clear up within the first gusts of wind through the open transfer window?
Stances have completely changed from last year. Barry chose the potential (apparently another word for money?) of Man City instead of established Champions League clubs like Liverpool and Arsenal, and Real Madrid suddenly became so respectful to United that they resembled a 15 year old boy meeting his girlfriend’s parents for the first time. The bad boy was still in them, but they kept it inside, bursting to get out and call Fergusson a willy head.
‘We will get Ronaldo, no doubt, but we must make an offer that United accept, which they will, because it will be one they can’t refuse, unless they do, but they wont, and he will play for Real Madrid, most probably definitely.’
Where’s the bitching? Where’s the lack of respect and bullying? Yes, it gets boring when you read every single day that another slanging match is taking place- but come on, you enjoy it. Admit it. You look at it and drool. You sit on the train, commuting to work, covered in spittle as two managers fight over their greasy headed prize asset. Just me?
It seems as if nobody wants the hassle of the deadline day signing, when a player might have to travel as far as the length of Europe in order to have a medical and be forced to hold a shirt up with their name on, all before midnight. Which is annoying, because even though the transfer window has only been in force for a relatively short amount of time, it’s still managed to start it’s own tradition of frantic Sky Sports presenters and hilariously misguided rumours from ‘members of the public’ who ‘have just taken Michael Essien to Plymouth for a medical and he said he would sign for them for 49p and a Twix’. How can you deny these lunatics their last day of fun? Is there no fun left in this world of football? More to the point, is there any frigging money left in the world of football. It’s hard to see most of the £80 million fee Cristiano Ronaldo demanded (I refuse to say warranted) not going towards paying off some of the massive debt United find themselves in with the Glazier family at their helm.
I’m pleased to see Ronaldo go, because I truly believe he is the best in the world and the best in the world must test themselves in different environments. The Premiership has made him stronger in every single way, both literally and mentally. And, above all else, the slightly slower (but hotter) pace of Spanish football will knacker the hell out of him in time for the World Cup and England might stand a chance of beating Portugal. Hell, why not, on penalties too!
Whether Gareth Barry makes it there or not is a whole other story. But his signature wont be the last that Man City’s best Parker pen scrawls this summer, that’s for sure.
Well how annoying. Everyone was awaiting another long summer of gossip, players being pictured on holiday with another team’s badge being drawn in sun cream on their bellies and endless battle between managers over who is the bigger pansy. Last summer, transfer news revolved two thirds around players who ended up staying right where they were (Barry and Ronaldo, Robinho being the final third) and it was much expected that this summer would involve the same names.
So how dare Villa, Man City, Man United and Real Madrid clear up within the first gusts of wind through the open transfer window?
Stances have completely changed from last year. Barry chose the potential (apparently another word for money?) of Man City instead of established Champions League clubs like Liverpool and Arsenal, and Real Madrid suddenly became so respectful to United that they resembled a 15 year old boy meeting his girlfriend’s parents for the first time. The bad boy was still in them, but they kept it inside, bursting to get out and call Fergusson a willy head.
‘We will get Ronaldo, no doubt, but we must make an offer that United accept, which they will, because it will be one they can’t refuse, unless they do, but they wont, and he will play for Real Madrid, most probably definitely.’
Where’s the bitching? Where’s the lack of respect and bullying? Yes, it gets boring when you read every single day that another slanging match is taking place- but come on, you enjoy it. Admit it. You look at it and drool. You sit on the train, commuting to work, covered in spittle as two managers fight over their greasy headed prize asset. Just me?
It seems as if nobody wants the hassle of the deadline day signing, when a player might have to travel as far as the length of Europe in order to have a medical and be forced to hold a shirt up with their name on, all before midnight. Which is annoying, because even though the transfer window has only been in force for a relatively short amount of time, it’s still managed to start it’s own tradition of frantic Sky Sports presenters and hilariously misguided rumours from ‘members of the public’ who ‘have just taken Michael Essien to Plymouth for a medical and he said he would sign for them for 49p and a Twix’. How can you deny these lunatics their last day of fun? Is there no fun left in this world of football? More to the point, is there any frigging money left in the world of football. It’s hard to see most of the £80 million fee Cristiano Ronaldo demanded (I refuse to say warranted) not going towards paying off some of the massive debt United find themselves in with the Glazier family at their helm.
I’m pleased to see Ronaldo go, because I truly believe he is the best in the world and the best in the world must test themselves in different environments. The Premiership has made him stronger in every single way, both literally and mentally. And, above all else, the slightly slower (but hotter) pace of Spanish football will knacker the hell out of him in time for the World Cup and England might stand a chance of beating Portugal. Hell, why not, on penalties too!
Whether Gareth Barry makes it there or not is a whole other story. But his signature wont be the last that Man City’s best Parker pen scrawls this summer, that’s for sure.
7 June 2009
Flog - Nobody is called Gareth nowadays
So there we were, crying in a ball over another football season coming and passing, dreading a summer filled with half-hearted enthusiasm for cricket and watching mothers throughout England gripping hold of ‘Murray Mania’. Of course, that was until Manchester City opened the treasure chest.
So, the Sheikher Maker has given his vote of confidence to Mark Hughes and has asked him to build them a team of teams. Ideally, Hughes wants a mix of fresh talent and Premiership experience, a recipe for success in any league. Given, Bridge, Lescott, Toure, Richards, Barry, Ireland, De Jong, Robinho, Tevez, Eto’o. It’s the kind of team that an avid FIFA player would dream of, let alone a manager who this time last year had taken Blackburn- a club equivalent of Poundland- to another top half finish.
However, this is exactly it- a dream.
Who can honestly see Tevez swapping the red of United for the sky blue of their fiercest rivals? United have messed him about a bit but in reality the little grubby man from Argentina just wouldn’t do it to the fans. Then again, staying in Manchester might be the best thing for him if he wants to steer clear of the Old Trafford faithful.
Would Eto’o willingly leave Barcelona- possibly the most awe inspiring team in the world right now (sorry Bradford) for a team nowhere near guaranteeing Champions League football? Under the new coach he has his place back and is scoring for fun in a team that boasts some of the best players in the world. Man City boast Wayne Bridge.
Would Lescott leave a consistently improving Everton side which has taken him from Championship football to the England squad? David Moyes would be silly to turn down a large offer, but you can buy someone a lot better than Lescott for the money City are prepared to pay.
And Barry. Gary Barry. Don’t deny it. You’re not called Gareth. Who in this day and age is called Gareth? Come on. You’re Gary Barry and that’s the end of it. You’re Gary Barry and you left 6th place Aston Villa for 10th place Man City. ‘Ambition’ is a ridiculous word to use. The grip the ‘top four’ have on the Premiership will take a lot more than £200 million pounds to relinquish and a hell of a lot more than the most left footed player in history playing for them.
Aston Villa must be laughing- they planned all last summer for a team without Gary Barry- and then suddenly he stayed. An added bonus. Now, they have offloaded him to a team below them, for £12 million, and have a decent enough squad to survive without him. £12m buys you a very decent defender nowadays and that is exactly what they are looking for what with Martin Laursen being forced into retirement.
Say what you want about City… That’s it, there’s nothing to add on there. I’m asking you to say what you want about City.
Other news includes another win for England as they keep their 100% qualifying record intact. In all honesty, it was a drawn out result against a team who are about as European as an Eskimo eating Chinese food. Nobody had a particularly outstanding game, except for perhaps Frank Lampard, who is excelling in the new role Capello has given him. England are finally playing a style of football they can relate to- tough, physical and overall extremely painful to watch. It’s tough to get enthusiastic for International games now, in that there’s still a sense of the team paying the fans back for the debacle of Euro 2008 qualification. Nothing short of 100% is good enough now. It never was, but seemingly it got us to the quarter finals of, well, everything, and we were unhappily settling for it. Now Capello needs to make sure England are ready for arguably the best team in the World, Spain, if we are to get any success at all next summer.
This was written whilst hungover, and I am delighted with the spelling.
So, the Sheikher Maker has given his vote of confidence to Mark Hughes and has asked him to build them a team of teams. Ideally, Hughes wants a mix of fresh talent and Premiership experience, a recipe for success in any league. Given, Bridge, Lescott, Toure, Richards, Barry, Ireland, De Jong, Robinho, Tevez, Eto’o. It’s the kind of team that an avid FIFA player would dream of, let alone a manager who this time last year had taken Blackburn- a club equivalent of Poundland- to another top half finish.
However, this is exactly it- a dream.
Who can honestly see Tevez swapping the red of United for the sky blue of their fiercest rivals? United have messed him about a bit but in reality the little grubby man from Argentina just wouldn’t do it to the fans. Then again, staying in Manchester might be the best thing for him if he wants to steer clear of the Old Trafford faithful.
Would Eto’o willingly leave Barcelona- possibly the most awe inspiring team in the world right now (sorry Bradford) for a team nowhere near guaranteeing Champions League football? Under the new coach he has his place back and is scoring for fun in a team that boasts some of the best players in the world. Man City boast Wayne Bridge.
Would Lescott leave a consistently improving Everton side which has taken him from Championship football to the England squad? David Moyes would be silly to turn down a large offer, but you can buy someone a lot better than Lescott for the money City are prepared to pay.
And Barry. Gary Barry. Don’t deny it. You’re not called Gareth. Who in this day and age is called Gareth? Come on. You’re Gary Barry and that’s the end of it. You’re Gary Barry and you left 6th place Aston Villa for 10th place Man City. ‘Ambition’ is a ridiculous word to use. The grip the ‘top four’ have on the Premiership will take a lot more than £200 million pounds to relinquish and a hell of a lot more than the most left footed player in history playing for them.
Aston Villa must be laughing- they planned all last summer for a team without Gary Barry- and then suddenly he stayed. An added bonus. Now, they have offloaded him to a team below them, for £12 million, and have a decent enough squad to survive without him. £12m buys you a very decent defender nowadays and that is exactly what they are looking for what with Martin Laursen being forced into retirement.
Say what you want about City… That’s it, there’s nothing to add on there. I’m asking you to say what you want about City.
Other news includes another win for England as they keep their 100% qualifying record intact. In all honesty, it was a drawn out result against a team who are about as European as an Eskimo eating Chinese food. Nobody had a particularly outstanding game, except for perhaps Frank Lampard, who is excelling in the new role Capello has given him. England are finally playing a style of football they can relate to- tough, physical and overall extremely painful to watch. It’s tough to get enthusiastic for International games now, in that there’s still a sense of the team paying the fans back for the debacle of Euro 2008 qualification. Nothing short of 100% is good enough now. It never was, but seemingly it got us to the quarter finals of, well, everything, and we were unhappily settling for it. Now Capello needs to make sure England are ready for arguably the best team in the World, Spain, if we are to get any success at all next summer.
This was written whilst hungover, and I am delighted with the spelling.
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