19.30 - Excited? I blooming am. Cecs Fabregas turned 22 yesterday, 4 days before I do in fact, and he is playing as captain of his team in the Champions League Semi-Final while I cover it, sitting in my dirty three-quarter lengths describing it. Funny how things work out, isn’t it? No Silvestre by the way for Arsenal, and Park is in for Manchester United. They will need him at his dog-like best.
19.32 - Jens Lehmann- yes, maybe the craziest man in the history of time- is a pundit for ITV. They really do pick them, don’t they? Steve Ryder presents, and along with Teddy Sheringham it makes the weirdest looking boy band you’ve ever seen in your life.
19.33 - Just thought of a name for them- ‘The Golden Age’. Andy Townsend is here as well, complete with orange complexion. Ryder looks like he’s listening but it’s hard to tell.
19.33 - Looks like it will be a cracking atmosphere (some would argue for the first time ever at the Emirates…) as ITV cut to their first break. I actually make that 2mins and 10secs. That’s horrific.
19.34 - I imagine Clive Tyldesley will be commentating tonight, so he’ll have woken up in his Man Utd pyjamas and kissed his Rooney poster before coming to the ground today. By the way, these BT adverts are sort of like a League 2 playoff game- plenty of people watching, but really it bears no resemblance to what it should do whatsoever. I think I lost that analogy about 20 words ago.
19.35 - Time for predictions. I actually think Arsenal will do it tonight. I’m saying 2-0 to the Gunners. Why? I don’t know. Tough to call though. However, if you want an English team to win the whole thing, who would you rather have play Barcelona should they beat Chelsea tomorrow- United or Arsenal? Hmm.
19.36 - Look at Fabregas, trying to out-beard Xabi Alonso. Pah.
19.38 - Sheringham has looked 40 for all his life, but he’s not a bad pundit you know. Ronaldo looks up for tonight, as does John O’Shea, who might turn out to be a match winner. We’re close now, time for another advert break one suspects. I’m excited to see if David Pleat’s numerous cries for help via commentary will continue tonight.
19.42 - Great noise as they take to the pitch. ITV keep us in suspense for the commentary team. My money’s on Jim Beglin.
19.44 - ‘The Chaaaaaaampioooooons’. It’s Jim and Clive tonight.
19.45 - We’re up and running. Just saw Kusciak smelling his jacket behind Fergusson. I notice the important things…
19.46 - Ronaldo seems to be a lone striker with Park and Rooney supporting and helping the midfield at the same time.
19.47 - Easy, Rio. Fabregas keeps a high tempo by taking a long shot from 20 yards, it hits Ferdinand and luckily bounces wide for a corner which comes to nothing as Van Der Sar is impeded. It’s firey already. Mary J. Blimey, I’m excited.
19.49 - Great noise as Arsenal play keep ball for a while. Fabregas plays absolutely brilliant football. Beyond all doubt, he’s a star.
19.50 - Rooney nearly finds Anderson with cute ball into the area after Ronaldo controls beautifully, but As it comes to nothing Arsenal break and Van Persie puts a dangerous ball into the box. Shame Walcott was the target…
19.52 - GOAL - ARSENAL 0 - 1 MANCHESTER UNITED. Stunner. Real, real stunner. And Kieran Gibbs is being consoled already after he slips trying to cut out a wonderfully weighted cut back and lets in Ji Sung Park- whi still had a lot to do. Gibbs looks angry with himself, Wenger looks even worse, but you know he wont be blaming anyone- not really his style. Arsenal need 3, and they had started the better side. Typical United though.
19.54 - United fans are singing in their corner of the ground as Gibbs looks nervous in a clearance. Last week he was solid, this week looks to have destroyed him somewhat. United free kick.
19.55 - GOAL - ARSENAL 0 - 2 MANCHESTER UNITED. Maybe the best free kick you will see this year. Ronaldo whacks it from, what, 30 yards, out on the left of Almunia’s goal, and catches the Spaniard off guard totally. To even suggest it was outlandish is a sign you don’t know Ronaldo. Looks all over, this. Unless…
19.57 - Many would say this result is what the first leg score should have been anyway. Are they letting out frustration? If so, Arsenal should be worried. Jim is trying to say the free kick was ‘soft’, but I think it was a clattering which would have been given by any referee. United have everyone back when Arsenal have the ball. It’s been a mismatch these last few minutes.
19.58 - Carrick, for all his ability, is one ugly little man. Like a ferret, but…not…
20.00 - This makes for quite a boring 70mins of football now, unless Arsenal can hit a couple before half time. Only time is on their side. Unfortunately Ronaldo is not.
20.01 - Great save. Really good save from Almunia as Rooney curls one from 25 yards, the bleach blonde goalkeeper getting fingertips to the massively un-marked United man. Rooney, ironically, looks like a cup more and more every time I see them.
20.03 - I bet Lehmann is close to exploding. But lead singer (Teddy) must be beaming. Clive must be orgasming.
20.05 - Clive just tried to say ‘eligible’ and came out with ‘elnigleilable’. There must be something wrong with him. There just must be.
20.06 - Since going 2-0 up, United have been incredible with their passing. But up until the goal they hadn’t really looked like creating much. Strange game. Anderson makes a rash challenge- but what do you expect? He looks like Blade.
20.08 - Fletcher, despite possessing absolutely no talent, has been excellent for United this season and tonight he has already stood out. But…come on…he’s only there because he’s Scottish, right? Right?
20.10 - I sense more goals and I’m going to try and spice things up by saying one of them will be an absolute screamer. Not sure from who, or even which side, but hey, I’m just trying to make something to play for here.
20.11 - Clive hits borderline racism by comparing Adebeyour to Samuel L Jackson. I cannot think of any other reason other than ethnicity. Crazy. Even Pleat would have thought better of it.
20.14 - What are Arsenal doing giving Ronaldo and Rooney so much space? It seems Wenger’s game plan was to concentrate on their own attacking without paying much attention to their back line’s job. They really have not pressed enough at all. I should be a football manager, clearly.
20.15 - Sagna, or in France ‘La Sagna’, goes in on Ronaldo. Got the ball but got a lot of player as well. Another free kick…
20.16 - Held by Almunia. Damn. Hyped that one up and everything.
20.17 - This is nothing like Liverpool vs. Chelsea (4-4) that I covered last time. And may I just say, thank the good Lord. I don’t think my television would cope with the drama, it’s pretty old.
20.20 - They are clattering Ronaldo. Kind of ‘if we can’t play in the final you can’t either’ sort of stuff. Arsenal are just rattled, in my opinion.
20.22 - If things stay like this, here is a list of things I would rather do than watch the rest of this game. 1) Watch Trevor Brooking in Celebrity Big Brother. 2) Listen to Dimitar Berbatov tell me why he is misunderstood as a lazy, sulking moron. 3) Watch Tottenham vs. West Brom again. 4) Listen to Clive talk about his favourite United moments. Wait, number 4 happens all the time anyway…
20.23 - 5) Eat sick.
20.24 - 6) Watch Richard Littlejohn try to conjure an article that is remotely reflective of contemporary society.
20.25 - All these ironic cheers from Arsenal fans for any decision given to them makes me hope they do not come up with some sort of 3rd party excuse for the way they have (surely) lost this game… they have been outplayed, totally.
20.29 - Good chance for Ronaldo, edge of the box effort that goes safely into Almunia’s hands. The build up, however, was simple yet brilliant.
20.30 - Half time - Arsenal 0 - 2 Manchester United.
Who’d have thought it? Well, depending on your leanings and depending on how much of a fantasist you are, you may well have. United, probably the world’s best club, undid Arsenal’s game plan within the space of 10 minutes. If Park’s goal was unfortunate for Gibbs and the Gunners, Ronaldo’s was nothing short of genius. Talented bastard. I’m off for my obligatory half time yoghurt.
HALF TIME - Hahahahahaha! 2 things- the first is that I’ve just seen Fergusson’s celebration. It’s just getting worse- he needs to be tied to a chair. Secondly, ever-wise Steve Ryder claims that it’s not bad enough to be beaten by a Ronaldo rocket, but to have your former team mate (and rival for your position) watching is ‘even worse’. Fantastic television. ITV have created a pearl in an ocean of disappointment.
HALF TIME - ‘Almunia’s moment’. Ryder is almost enjoying this. Ronaldo’s free kick was from 41 yards by the way, which funnily enough is about as far as Berbatov has run all season.
HALF TIME - Sorry, but why oh why oh why is Jens Lehmann in on this punditry? Arsenal…ok…Champions League…ok….um, I can’t lie to you, all I can think about is his sending off in the final. That’s it. Sorry.
HALF TIME - Wenger and his assistant (I want to say Pat Rice…?) look like an evil double act who live on a mountain in a terrible children’s show. And he has to call Wenger ‘le Master’ all the time, or else he gets beaten.
HALF TIME - A friend of mine on Facebook has offered this option via his status: ‘…still has hope... Let's 'black up' Arshavin and give him a shirt with Diaby and number 2 on the back! There we go, 4 goals!’ I half think he’s not joking, especially with that terminology. They would need more than Arshavin on the field to overturn this United performance. My prediction, as usual, has been terrible.
20.45 - The second half is underway, which must surely be a formality for United. Another goal from either side, please. Reckon I paying for moaning during the Liverpool vs. Chelsea game?
20.46 - Though not totally identical, the referee’s kit is similar in style and colour to United’s blue away kit. Had they lost this, that might have been a talking point (knowing Sir Alex). Rooney must come off soon- why risk him getting booked and missing the final?
20.48 - Sniffer dogs at the Emirates, on the middle tier of the stand on one side. Maybe searching for Arsenal’s defence. Oh, aren’t I a bitch?
20.50 - Arsenal are treading a fine line between ‘pressing’ football and total wipeout stuff. They’re goading United a bit, here. Whether that’s natural frustration or tactical business, I don’t know. Feet are being left in though.
20.51 - Very good save, again, from Ronaldo by Almunia. The winger drives inside and fires a low shot at Almunia’s near post but the Spaniard saves. Seconds later, he tips a miscued cross from Anderson over the bar.
20.52 - United have played with almost 5 different lone strikers tonight, so abundant is their attacking threat. If Ronaldo’s not bursting through, it’s Rooney, or Park, or Fletcher, or Anderson. Fantastic to watch, really.
20.54 - Sagna is fouled on the edge of the box. He goes down and his hair follows a couple of seconds later. Must take him absolutely bloody ages in the morning. Van Persie takes the free kick and whips it just wide of the post in a cross-cum-shot effort.
20.55 - Arsenal started the night needing 1 goal to give themselves a chance at glory and within 15 minutes they needed 4 before they could even think about winning the tie. That’s without conceding any more. We have seen close to a master class from United, and as Arsenal fly in with tackles they are showing how not to bow out gracefully. I wouldn’t mind, but they’ve created nothing, so they can’t be too frustrated that United are running away with this.
20.57 - Giggs is warming up by running up and down the touchline. Berbatov is sitting down and blinking rapidly. I assume he’s warming up too, then.
21.00 - GOAL - ARSENAL 0 - 3 MANCHESTER UNITED. Holy cake. That is football as it should be played. United, defending in their own box, clear to Ronaldo deep inside his own half. He flicks to Park who glides the ball wide for Rooney, who unselfishly squares perfectly in front of Djourou and Almunia to find Ronaldo in the gap to shoot into the roof of the net. I swear, Clive swooned when he watched the replay. If you can get hold of the highlights or something, listen to Clive swoon. I think I am, in fact. Unbelievable goal.
21.02 - Walcott comes off for Arsenal. Quiet game for the man with painted on sideburns.
21.03 - Van Persie exlodes on the edge of the box and hit’s a shot comfortably close to Van der Sar. Vidic is currently down, which must mean he’s been hit by a train, nothing less would knock him down.
21.05 - Arsenal have not been too bad in their midfield or even up front, even if the chances have not come their way, but their defence has simply let United play in front of them and, eventually, destroy them.
21.06 - Rooney is replaced, finally. He will play in Rome should nothing occur between now and 27th May, and he will deserve to make his second appearance in 2 years. He’s only 23.
21.07 - Clive says something worthwhile, telling Ronaldo to lay off the tricks to respect their fallen but still feisty opponents. He wont want to pick up a knock because of showboating.
21.08 - 20 minutes of Arsenal gunning for pride and United looking to embarrass. Either way, there wont be many Arsenal fans left to see it…it’s looking rather empty at the Emirates. At 0-3 down, you may say you don’t blame them, but they have been beaten by a much, much better team over both legs, and they have not done enough wrong to warrant a walk out. Seems a bit of a kop-out, you Gooner bunch.
21.12 - PENALTY
RED CARD
21.13 - Darren Fletcher brings down Cecs Fabregas in the box and heartbreakingly, the least talented man in the team misses the final after a top class season in which he has given his team everything. He is judged to be last man despite, at first glance, looking like he played the ball…
21.15 - GOAL ARSENAL 1 - 3 MANCHESTER UNITED. Van Persie puts the penalty away, quite superbly to be fair. But the talking point is Fletcher and his early bath. Wrong decision, by looks of things. Wrong decision entirely. Even though I mock him, that is truly horrible for him, but you know Paul Scholes will have some wise words.
21.17 - Just seen it again, and it’s totally wrong. Many similarities to another terrible penalty decision involving Manchester United against Spurs but this is just a little different, you might say…
21.19 - Why do I feel sorry for Darren Fletcher?!?
21.20 - Arsenal, now a man up, could have done with that about half an hour ago. Time to close the game out for United, time for Arsenal to try and put some bums on seats.
21.22 - Arsenal showing some spirit now. Unbelievable, Wenger should be fuming. Fabregas shoots just wide after his free kick is blocked by the United wall. Do this in the first half and you have a game on your hands. Although, Adebayour had just run his studs down Carrick’s ankle, the prick. Surely even if you make contact with the ball it would stunt your movement? Crazy, and no excuses.
21.25 - Fabregas could have produced a lively conclusion but just guides it into Van der Sar’s hands. Apart from picking the ball out of the net, the Dutch goalkeeper hasn’t had anything to do.
21.26 - Whistle? Please? Starting to consider the Trevor Brooking idea.
21.26 - Amazing strike from Ronaldo from a free kick in much the same position that his first goal came from. He goes for the top corner this time, just firing it over. If Almunia got his hand to that one he would have gone with it.
21.27 - Clive reminds us that these two meet in the league in 11 days. Tasty.
21.28 - And then Clive goes and says that Ronaldo is ‘not afraid to shoot’ after he shoots over from another free kick. Thanks, Clive, his 65 goals in 2 seasons so far has not taught me anything, you know.
21.29 - Seconds left. Man of the Match is surely Ronaldo, but really it should go to the entire front 3. They have been excellent.
21.30 - Vela has come on, but not this very minute. He sneaked on some time ago. Pay attention, Hayward.
21.31 - FULL TIME - ARSENAL 1 MANCHESTER UNITED 3 (AGG 1-4)
Great game, and a tie summed up in United’s 3rd goal tonight- I.e. total dominance from the Red Devils. Arsenal struggled to contain their opponents as well as becoming frustrated in front of goal, and it shows that a couple of individual mistakes in a cup competition will cost you, and cost you dear. Arsenal finish another season without a trophy- how long will it be before Wenger starts to feel the Chairman’s breath on the back of his neck? Unthinkable, (you may think…)
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