Well it’s all over. The twists, the turns, and (hilariously) the conspiracy theories. Yes, The Barclay’s Premiership 2008-09 is over. Now we have to wait a whole 12 weeks with only England qualifiers, the U21 European Championship, the Confederations Cup and the transfer window being well and truly ajar until it starts all over again. Devastating. So what of this year? Here is a team by team review of the season.
Arsenal - a good start and a good finish to a season that yet again promised much but provided little. Wenger did, however, break his two-word transfer policy (young/foreign) by buying Andriy Arshevin, who is foreign and looks about a month shy of being able to take an 11+ exam, but is actually 27. But if it wasn’t a barren streak from his strikers for Wenger to worry about, it was dressing room disharmony. Fingers point at Gallas. He’s probably a little annoyed at looking like a cross between the cat in the hat and a sad snake. Champions League and FA Cup semi-finals don’t seem to be enough for the Gunners anymore, though. Player of the Year: Cecs Fabregas. New captain, new ambitions. But another season of growth may have to be his last before exploding onto the world stage. Score: 7/10
Aston Villa - early on, Villa threatened to do what only a small number of clubs have done in the last few seasons- break into the top four. To achieve this seemingly impossible yet suddenly extremely realistic target, Martin O’Neill sacrificed any chance of European glory by sending out a team of reserves in their second leg against CSKA Moscow so their top players could concentrate on getting fourth. They lost. And finished sixth. Terrible end of season form meant they finished with a whimper when they began with a roar, but are building a very good project for the future- watch this space. Player of the Year: Ashley Young. Pace, dribbling, and a good delivery. Not bad for a man with a tiny head. Score: 7/10
Blackburn Rovers - Who? It seems not even flirting with and escaping relegation can make Blackburn at all appealing. Allardyce steadied the ship after the Rovers board did the equivalent of asking a toddler to be a fireman- maybe in the future Ince will be able to do it but the jump managing at a level one division lower than the top league, let alone two, is tough enough. If Allardyce buys well in the summer they could once again be a solid Premiership club, but the proof was in the proverbial pudding by the end of the season with Christopher Samba playing up front as a lone striker. ‘Bolton II’. It also still amazes me that someone who is the shape of Brett Emerton can even walk let alone play football. The man is a rectangle. Player of the Year: Ryan Nelsen (I suppose?) Score: 5/10.
Bolton Wanderers - ‘Bolton I’ had a fairly non-descript season, with the club never mathematically safe from trouble but always far enough away not to be worried for their Premiership status. It’s hard to see Megson take them any further than simply being survival specialists but for now he is providing just enough to keep the club (and his job) safe. There really is nothing else to say about Wanderers, but you can sum them up with one question- can you name their first choice back four? Thought not. Player of the Year: Kevin Davies. If Heskey’s attributes make him integral to the England team, then Kevin Davies would be a worthy understudy. Score: 6/10
Chelsea - Many seasons ago, before bearded Russians and heavy pockets waded into our lives forever, this would have been seen as a fantastic season. Another Champions League run which saw them knocked out to the eventual winners in the semi-final, an FA Cup final to look forward to and a solid 3rd place in the table. But that was before. And Abramovic might have been ruing the day he employed ‘Big Phil’, because it turned out that the big man had little ideas. But if Scolari was a gamble, Hiddink was a masterstroke. Knowledgeable, humble and extremely talented as a manager, it’s not hard to see why Chelsea want him to stay. Whoever comes in, they need to freshen up a lagging squad and fast. Just finally, all the talk of ‘conspiracy’ seemed to delightfully deter the attention away from the fact that the serial flopping hitman they have up front missed the two easiest chances of the tie to wrap it all up before Iniesta’s stunner. Anything to say, Mr Drogba? Player of the Year: Nicolas Anelka. Goals, goals, goals in a team that could have struggled without him. Score: 7/10
Everton - Played for half the season without any strikers, and the purchases of Jo on loan and Louis Saha leaves it up to you to make the jokes about not having any for the rest of the season either, but managed to play their way into yet another 5th place finish and another year of European football. I still remember when Everton were fighting relegation each year- how times have changed. David Moyes, the scariest looking manager in the entire world, deserves all the praise he gets, but it wont mean as much to him as winning the FA Cup on Saturday. No money, no hope is not a term Everton can say they live up to. A wonderful story. Player of the Year: Phil Jagielka. Heartbreaking to see a player miss an FA Cup final through injury anyway, but for it to happen after a consistently excellent season is horrible. Will come back stronger. Score: 9/10
Fulham - a fitting testament to the fantastic job Roy Hodgson has done at Fulham would be to point out how during the early stages of the season when up to 11 teams were fighting to pull clear of relegation, Fulham were never mentioned. Not just a solid season, but a very promising one too. They are building a core to their team- Schwarzer, Haangeland, Murphy and Johnson form a super spine to a team that this time last year was celebrating the great escape, and their poor away from seems to be evening itself out too. All credit to them, but European football next season will test their resources. Hodgson looks like a Grandfather sheep. This only improves his stance with me. Player of the Year: Danny Murphy. Makes them tick while making it look easy, too. Perfectly spherical head as well. Score: 9/10.
Hull City - what to say? Great start, crap finish. They started with the element of surprise that most promoted clubs wouldn’t dare to spring on the top league, with goals from Giovanni that really ought to be investigated by NASA. For a while they flirted with the idea of getting top 8, but steadily their season slowly collapsed like Jimmy Bullard’s knee and they were left fighting for their lives on the last day of the season. Phil Brown deserves to stay in the Premiership though, not only for the great job he has done at Hull but also that massive jacket and ’Britney’ earpiece combo he’s got going on. One of the favourites for the drop next season, but as debut campaigns go this was the best they could have hoped for. Player of the Year: Michael Turner. Underrated centre back who kept Hull in a lot of games. Score: 7/10
Liverpool - Will they? Wont they? Can they? No, they cannot- for now. Another frustrating season for the Reds who coupled home and away wins against Chelsea and Manchester United with home draws against Hull, Fulham and West Ham to effectively invite United to chip into their early lead. It didn’t seem to be about pressure in the end, it just looked as if the strain of relying on 2 or 3 core players was too much for a realistic title hunt. The signing of Keane was a correct one in theory- Liverpool need another natural striker for the increasingly frequent injuries to Torres- but perhaps he was not the right choice. I will say now what I said at the start of the season: you can’t win the league if your back up striker is David Ngog. They edge ever closer to what they cannot still call ‘their‘ trophy, but unfortunately United don’t seem to be losing any sort of stranglehold. This season’s ‘Shouter of the Year’ award goes to Jamie Carragher. Did anyone else hear hm against West Ham? Frightening. Player of the Year: Steven Gerrard. Of course. More goals, more power and more talented than most teams put together. Score: 8/10
Manchester City - effectively cheating at Football Manager but in real life. It’s like somebody went into the ‘edit club’ screen and stuck a couple of noughts on the end of their starting bank balance. Ridiculous. However, their only lure was of Robinho, who despite finishing 4th in the scoring charts was considered somewhat of a flop. Perhaps harsh if you consider one of the world’s most talented players was also playing in a team that held Richard Dunne. Another pre-season of speculation will now hold another name in it’s rumours and headlines, but the club’s appeal still doesn’t seem enough for any Robinho-scale signings. Shay Given, however, is an excellent bit of business. They just need to find the form that crushes Arsenal rather than the from that loses to Stoke and Middlesbrough. Player of the Year: Stephen Ireland. Tireless midfielder who has put dead Grandmother myths behind him to become integral to City’s ambitions. Score: 6/10
Manchester United - sometimes they were frighteningly good. But teams are starting to find weaknesses on their off days. Liverpool did- twice- and they could have pushed the Red Devils had they not lost their form to lower teams. Luckily, Sir Alex doesn’t do dips in form, and the stumbles against Liverpool and then to Fulham were put to rest with last gasp wins against Aston Villa and Sunderland and a crushing fight back against Spurs. Losing the Champions League final would have hurt, but that’s when Fergie and United are most dangerous. It’s just a shame that Barcelona are most dangerous when they have the ball- something Michael Carrick seemed all too happy to allow to happen. Ronaldo is still the spoilt little child and he has been quieter this season, but his goal return for someone who is not an out and out striker is still astonishing. Just need someone to come and kick him in the face. Last point: how can you be world champions if you are not European champions? Come on lads, stop listing it as an achievement. Player of the Year: Wayne Rooney. A man who United cannot tick without is the other of the special R’s . Score: 9/10
Middlesbrough - should have been relegated two seasons ago. No depth, no stars, no fight, nothing. They sneaked into relegation- that’s how bad they were. Nobody even noticed. They couldn’t replicate performances like they gave against Liverpool when it mattered most- ie ALL SEASON- and it cost them. Alfonso Alves looked increasingly like he wasn’t sure what he was doing, like he was picked up at the airport one day after being mistaken for their new £10m striker and had been too polite or too scared to stand up and say anything since. If anyone, Tuncay and Downing should stay in the Premiership, as well as Wheater. As for the others, it’s up to them to get them back up there. Woeful. Player of the Year: David Wheater. His early form earned him an England call-up. The rest of his team’s earned them a spell in the second tier. Score: 3/10
Newcastle United - Ok. Can anyone ACTUALLY believe that Newcastle are in the Championship? They have been RELEGATED. It’s shocking. Did anyone ever watch Dream Team on Sky One? Imagine that in real life (sorry to break it to you but Jamie Parker was not a real goalkeeper, people) and you have some idea of what Newcastle’s season has been like. It became increasingly clear after Given left that he was the reason they had tread the water as long as they did- Harper, as good a keeper as he is- is not top class. Defence was clueless, midfield was toothless at best and their strikers were off target more than any Richard Littlejohn article in the Daily Mail. So what do you do when you’re struggling to stay in the division? Employ the most inexperienced person in the history of time. Ok, so he is still revered and worshipped on Tyneside, but he was about as qualified as anyone who has played Football Manager for an hour. Insane decision that cost them their Premiership status and confines them to a long recovery period. Player of the Year: Joey Barton… just kidding. I honestly have no idea but the best of a bad bunch was Steven Taylor probably. Score: 2/10
Portsmouth - went for the record of ‘how many managers can we have in a season?’ but sadly lost out to any Spurs team from the 1990’s. With the season still young, Redknapp left for pastures new and left them in a rather large hole to be honest. Adams, like Shearer, was too inexperienced to keep the club rolling from their previously successful year so an even less experienced man came in and got them playing again. Portsmouth end this season with around half the management team, players and trophies of last but survival was enough to receive a takeover bid from the ‘U.A.E.’s Alan Sugar’. Good luck with that. Player of the Year: David James. Another typical season- great saves and athletic performances keep him as England’s number 1 but still has the odd dickhead moment. Score: 6/10
Stoke City - 12th, who’d have thunk it? A team that proves that if you have a system, stick to it. They found a formula that worked and stuck to it, and other teams found it hard to deal with it. They realised the Delap throw tactic was being found out, so they adapted their game a bit. They lost a few. Then went back to the Delap tactic and beat Middlesbrough. Top stuff. A season beyond their wildest dreams, with wins against Arsenal, Tottenham and Man City to boast from their debut campaign, but will be wary of ‘second season syndrome’. Final note- they have the scariest looking squad in the league. Ryan Shawcross looks like he could head butt an elephant to death. Now all that is left is to find out why Pulis wears that hat to every game… Player of the Year: would be easy to give it to Rory Delap when others shone too, but who can deny the influence he had? Score: 8/10
Sunderland - remember Keane? It’s hard to believe he was ever there now. Late strugglers but in the end they stayed up through a mixture of solid early form and the fact that Newcastle were about twice as bad as them. They need a decent manager to take over from Sbragia who will take them to the next level, otherwise they could find themselves in the same position again next season. Need a new talismanic midfielder and a quick striker for when Cisse inevitably goes. I am still confused as to why they are nicknamed the ‘Black Cats’. That is all. Player of the Year: Ooh, who to choose? Nobody particularly shone but lets give it to Kieran Richardson who was always full of running and scored a scarily powerful free kick in the Tyne-Weir derby early in the season. Score: 5/10
Tottenham Hotspur - as usual, the Lane became the setting for another soap opera season. A terrible start looked like leaving Spurs with an unassailable mountain to climb before Harry Redknapp rode in and saved the day. In the end, they didn’t just survive, and of all the serious relegation candidates this season they eventually finished the highest in 8th. It all went Homeward Bound over Christmas- the likeable wise dog Robbie Keane returned with the snappy young pup Jermaine Defoe much to the delight of the supporters, but like in the film it was sad to see that the whining, arrogant wails from that cat Pascal Chimbonda had not got lost along the way. Interesting to see them fight out with Everton and Villa next season. Player of the Season: Bent had a solid campaign, and Redknapp made a lot of others finally play to their potential (Gomes, Modric to name just two) but it will have to go to Aaron Lennon. Lost his place to Bentley then realised he was actually 100 times better than him. Score: 7/10
West Bromich Albion - boing! Back they go. W.B.A. the club remind me of the programme E.R.- every time you think it’s the last time you will see it, about a year later it arrives back on your screen on a Saturday night. All credit to Mowbray, he continued his ethos of playing football as it should be done, but if you have Abdoulaye Meite in your team that becomes about 50% harder already. Sure enough, we expect to see them back next year, but they need to improve significantly if they want to stay for longer than a little holiday. Player of the Year: Another team with little to go on, but a player who always fought for every ball and scored a few goals with it was Chris Brunt. Score: 3/10
West Ham United - best of the rest in a sense, after the top 6 went out of sight. In fairness, their rise up the table was exceptional, not least after a run of poor results at the back end of 2008. Zola is clearly a talented manager, and next season will be key for West Ham if they are to progress. He even made Carlton Cole look good- something Carlton Cole has tried and failed to do for years now. He still isn’t that good, either. Player of the Year: Carlton Cole. Still not great but had a good season before being injured on international duty. Score: 6/10
Wigan Athletic - fizzled out in the latter stages of the season, they even threatened to catch the last European spot in the months before. Safe long before a lot of others, they still lack that cutting edge which could establish them in the league. And, if rumours are to be believed, which, hell, why wouldn’t you believe them, Antonio Valencia is on the way out. Losing Palacios in January hurt Wigan’s balance, but if the Ecuadorian winger goes too they need to invest the money very wisely. A good team, not a great team, Steve Bruce can be proud of his work. Player of the Year: Antonio Valencia. Though sometimes a close run thing with Mido in the side (please sense the tone and understand I am joking) he gave another good account of himself this season. Score: 7/10.
There we go. I was kind of hoping that would take 12 weeks to write. Damn. Might have to go outside now.
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