Flog - I hope you Sky +'d something good...

Go back in time, ask yourself this question then slap yourself in the face for even considering it: ‘Would you like to watch All the Small Things on BBC1 or would you like to watch Barcelona vs. Chelsea in the Champions League Semi-Final?’
Now fast forward again, apologise for slapping yourself and call all your friends to ask if they Sky +’d BBC1 over the last 90 minutes. (’+’d’, by the way, is supposed to be ‘plus-ed’. I’m hoping to get a free box for the advertising.)
Yes. Believe it or not, watching middle aged church goers singing (or something, I can happily admit I have never caught an episode) would have been more entertaining than watching the most gifted footballers on Earth playing a crucial game of football. Florent Malouda played, as well.
In fact, Barcelona were almost too gifted. Too much dancing around with step overs and flicks to actually stick the thing in the back of the net. And with it, possibly the worst actor in the world playing as their full back in Daniel Alves. And his hair looks like a cushion.
On ITV1, Steve Ryder did his absolute best to keep us enthralled in what was essentially a bore draw. There’s something about Ryder. Something…horsey. I really can’t put my finger on it. Maybe it’s the yellow hair, or the fact that he could play the lonely drunk who smokes 50 a day in a council flat on an episode of Casualty and is found by a neighbour who doesn’t even know his surname despite living next door to him for almost a decade. ‘We don’t see him for days on end, Charlie’. Sure you don’t.
Erm, yeah. Anyway…
As for Chelsea’s approach, it took on a rather yellow brick wall effect, and to be fair it worked if they simply wanted to stop Barcelona scoring. They are in fact the first club to prevent the Catalan giants from doing so on home soil this season, as ITV1’s commentary team pointed out three-hundred and seven times over the course of the evening. Just on that note, David Pleat enjoyed a rather quiet game tonight. Maybe the dementia is catching up with him.
The best chance of the night was squandered by Bojan, Barcelona’s nine year old striker who only hours earlier looked like he’d taken a SATs exam. Or whatever they call it in Spain. ‘El Testio’, or whatever. I all seriousness, if the tie comes down to the odd goal in Chelsea’s favour, his point blank headed miss will not be easily forgotten.

So a quick word on tomorrow’s all-English semi-final between Manchester United and Arsenal at Old Trafford, and this one does not look like it will be cagey at all. Unlike Barcelona, Arsenal know they have vulnerabilities whether it be at home or away. Home advantage in the 2nd leg may not mean as much to them as it would other teams, so I expect the Gunners to full blown go for it. United need to take something back to the Emirates if they want to hold onto the trophy, and an on-form Rooney and a firing Ronaldo will be essential for their cause. However, keep this in your mind: if Arsenal win, we’ll be seeing that weird, skin stretching, leathery smile Wenger’s been carrying around on his face for the past few weeks for a lot longer. It’s like a crow being sick.